I am so pleased to have a hilarious guest post from mega-talent, Iva-Marie Palmer today! Be sure sure to check out The End of the World As We Know It; you'll be thoroughly entertained!
I am super-psyched to be here on YA News and Reviews for the last day of my The End of the World As We Know It blog tour!!
In my book, four mismatched teens survive a full-scale alien invasion and have to save their town to prevent the end of the world. Kind of what we all do every day, right? Yes, it’s true that the Mayans were wrong about 2012, but I still keep hearing things about a zombie apocalypse, so I say, you can never be too prepared.
That said, I’d like to give you my top ten list:
Top Ten Skills I Need to Acquire Before the End of the World
Parkour – Come on, it’s cool to watch and fun to say. Especially if you yell it. (Has anyone seen The New Girl episode where Schmidt does just that as he parkours around the apartment?) Anyway, if all that’s left of the world is a bunch of shard-y, burnt-out buildings and big canyons where intersections used to be, I want to be nimble, I want to be quick, I want to jump over that … PARKOUR!
Bartending – As it stands, I can whip up a few cocktails, but I want to get really good, so I can open up a bar with a cool name, like Last Stop Saloon. I’ll be there to lend an ear and pour you something to make everything seem a little better.
Woodworking – I know, I know, why wouldn’t I just want to be a carpenter so I could build shelters, etc.? That seems like more pressure than a parkour-adept bartender wants to take on, though. I’m thinking I might just like to whittle little toys to bring cheer to tiny survivors who feel lost without their LeapPads. And, you know, if I happen to make a few tiny weapons along the way…
Bartering – I am one of those people who is currently no good at this. At. All. I will go to a flea market and totally pay the asking price, just because I assume the price is the price is the price. And why would anyone rip me off? On the flip side, I give in far too easily to the notion of the customer always being right and I’d probably totally let someone bargain me down to practically nothing. And I don’t want to be selling my amazing woodworking wares for less than they should rightfully fetch.
Fashion Design – This probably seems very shallow of me. But, it’s not. Not totally at least. When we’re all in tatters, and the cold is creeping in and there’s nothing around to use as clothing but some old newspapers and a couch someone left by the curb just before the apocalypse, wouldn’t it at least provide some comfort to be wearing something that gives you a nice silhouette??
Cryptography – Secret messages. I’m assuming they’ll abound, post-The End. And I want to decode them.
Cartography – I can barely read a map for the intact, as-is world. But maybe if I knew how to make maps, I’d also be able to read them. Like my logic?
Archery – Call it the Katniss Everdeen factor. There’s an undeniable glamour to holding a bow and arrow, with your hair flowing down your back (and while wearing an amazingly- cut duster coat made of someone’s old couch.) Of course, then there comes the whole nasty skinning-the-rabbit-you-just-killed thing, but nothing’s perfect.
Chopped-Style Chef-ery – I really feel like Chopped is meant to prepare us all for the apocalypse. Like we’ll be wandering the new, desolate earth, picking up random, hopefully edible debris until we look down in our baskets and just have to say to ourselves, “What can I make with this?” I want to be able to whip up something amazing from a weird assortment of foodstuffs I found on the ground.
Positive Thinking – This one should be obvious. And if it’s not, I’m also over here working on my non-sarcastic explaining of things.
Iva-Marie Palmer is the author of The End of the World As We Know It, a sci-fi action comedy from Alloy Entertainment (creators of Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries). Find her online on Twitter (@ivamarie), on Facebook (www.facebook.com/ivamariebooks) and at her website (www.ivamariepalmer.com).